L’exquisite douleur

One of the the most powerful things in this world is love. The love from family, an animal, a friend, a significant other, your partner for life, it is no doubt one of life’s greatest feelings that a living creature can ever feel. However, it can be the most cutting and hurtful emotion one can face. All my life I was taught of the idea that the greatest law is love indeed, and that in the end it is love that wins. I truly do believe that to the furthest extent. It is irrefutable to say that this emotion carries an insignificant amount of heartbreak and turmoil in unexplainable methods.

Heartbreak comes in many forms when love is intertwined: the heartbreak of not feeling loved as before or seeing betrayal as if the love was a myth in disguise.

The kind of “love” that resonates more with me, or so I feel like I have an endless connection with is the French phrase, “La Doleur Exquise”.  This phrase holds a remarkable stamp of my approval for how relatable the context is and the complicated affection that holds no title for relationships.

“The exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you can never have, and knowing that you will still try to be with them.” The best explanation for a phrase that has so much meaning to me on a personal level. I know that I titled this post differently than the actual phrase itself but for a certain reason. One of the most noted bands in the music scene I associate with, Being As An Ocean, tackled this phrase in the most sophisticated way I can only imagine.

“You just can’t see all that you are to me. So I’ll just have to learn to be alright. Without you by my side. My bed seems so much colder at night.”

These lyrics may be read in a simple minded status but the song itself holds more emotion and feeling..

I may not fully understand why I feel like this but it serves as a gentle and hurtful reminder ironically so that my heart never forgets it’s flaw.. To prevent it from forgetting the keen sting of one-sided love.. So that when and if it happens again I’ll be used to the pain no matter how aching it gets.

From what I thought would be a beautiful relationship can make a huge one-eighty resulting back to square one.

This is just a fraction of how I feel towards this espceically discussing this sensitive emotion.

I try my very best to show the people that I care about the love and affection they need. From simple things as sending text messages to remind them to hydrate on water, going out of my way to the store and surprise them with their favorite snack, to even those serious moments where I fully embrace them and tell that I appreciate them for existing and letting me be a part of their life.

In serious moments, where a majority of times I feel as if I am not loved enough or appreciated I find myself questioning if I should ever feel remotely apologetic for feeling the love I have for people. One-sided love, unrequited love, it is blinding and confusing in the darkest of times where this may be the only feeling that is actually and simply there. It cuts very deep and all you can do is smile faintly with a subtle expression, holding in an emotional scar.

L’exquisite douleur. Thank you for existing to remind myself that I am alive and that love will never be an easy discovery.

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