Ever since I started to embark on this journey of journaling my experiences and express the darkest of feelings I’ve learned to come across such posts. Those blogs on the topics of love, heartbreak, healing, driven kindness, any kind of human emotion that is essential and that I can resonate with to the fullest. I find comfort in these sort of posts no matter how triggering and painful they get when reading about them.
At best, I know what I am getting myself into and the shocking truth of what I fear and feel so utterly embarrassed and ashamed about, but for what specific reason?
I fear of the actual truth and facing it seems more daunting than actually said. I feel ashamed in that sense that I cannot withstand and accept that kind of realization, that these feelings I have are real and completely normal. I guess that it ties along with that sense of embarrassment in which my pride settles in and a wave of uncertainty floods in.
Some of you may ask what “truth” I’m talking about. For me it’s the simple truth of fear and fearing to face the sure reality with nerve-wracking human emotions. It feels like a plague which treatment cannot suffice. At times, I wish that I can never feel and be numb to these emotions. That way my heart will never have to go through those highs that can instantly turn into such lows.
But to come to think about those flustered feelings, it’s a beautiful struggle.
Life is, in fact, constantly and irrefutably, a beautiful struggle.
We focus on things that we tend to leave our feelings on the back burner. We forget how fragile life can be once something traumatic or heart-wrenching creeps in and settles for a duration of time, and that focus is directed towards whatever emotions we want to feel and subside in.
Though going through such chaos and hell, we eventually find the time to heal. Healing can take days, months, years, maybe even what we consider a lifetime, but always remember to heal at your own pace. Never feel the need of pressure from someone to rid yourself of whatever plague that surfaces. Most importantly, never pressure yourself to heal at a fast rate. Just like college, there’s no rush whether it’s four years or even seven years, take your time. You heal at your own rate. Remember to surround yourself with those that want to be a part of your healing process.
As much of a work in progress I am, this settling feeling shall wither eventually. As the saying goes, “this too shall pass” as much as I want it to, I believe that some small measure of hope, it shall.
And that’s the ugly truth, to wrap it all up.
Thanks for listening to me Ted Talk. HAHA