As we grow up and learn the societal trends of what is considered “normal” or “Acceptable,” we make dull notes on mental levels to ensure that we fit that to the fullest expectation.
From this, we seek validation from factors of our lives to safeguard our reputation(s) that we’ve established so well. The second we turn an eye and make a mistake, we develop and carry feelings of unrest and anxiety.
This is what ruined me and my well-being. I was seeking validation, making sure I was doing the right thing.
In doing right for others to be told that my credibility remains the same as a human.
The “happiness” and impression I did for others only for them to give me the simple compliments with no satisfaction only satisfied me momentarily and had no results in the long run.
The second you start this bad habit of seeking validation, it completely ruins your self-esteem. It becomes a drug that temporarily creates the euphoria but later on spirals downwards from the reality of misery.
I cared about other’s opinions of me and let them dictate my worth as a person. I created false images and viewpoints of everybody hating me and secretly only being my friend out of pity. It got to the point of me asking “hey, am I being a good friend? If not, please tell me so that I can fix myself.” as a constant. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to fixing oneself. People will always be a work in progress; however, it shows that the less capability and issues of insecurities through fear. I lived and immersed in that torture from external validation from others. It became a vice much worse than the cigarettes I used to indulge in. I stayed silent for most things, and my silence encompassed a lot of unsaid yet loud reasoning of self-worth through distaste. I felt trapped in a mind of clutter and nasty thoughts.
What the hard truth from all this became a massive slap in the face for me only for the right reasoning. We can only be pleasers, but where do we draw the line when it becomes too much for us to handle and please others? We stay grounded and find comfort with it, but how long does it take for looking in the mirror of our self-worth and breaking down. Only because we couldn’t please one small thing that wouldn’t matter in the end? As mentioned by multiple people, we cannot please everyone. We can’t live up to be perfectionists no matter how hard we study and try to become that ideal figure. How can you expect to develop and be a truly human and friend if pleasing them and not being yourself is the only pastoral mindset that you live in?
The second you come to this realization of seeking validation from others only to make sure you please them in next passings, it becomes a bad habit that will continue to build.
My advice, it to just be true to yourself, and continue to be the best version that you already are. There is only one YOU, and there is only one ME. That kind of content can’t be faked. Learn to appreciate the things you already do for people and celebrate that with them by making sure they are recognized by you.