When life tests the ability of a character’s potential, two ways can go about it: you either fall to pieces or you persevere through the roughness. This year has shown that changes were bound to happen. Whether the quality was not supposed to exist in its entirety. Or the inevitable of it all. A valid question to myself that dawned was how to move forward from everything? In the cases of what halted or what blessed me as a whole. Through heartbreak, loss, suffering, hatred, and many others that hindered where I felt I should have been,
So, with that all this here’s me moving forward.
I faced the biggest adversary yet: myself and school. Usually, I would tell myself that me, myself, and I would always be the one that determines the fate of a person. But now I see how social and environmental factors also mold and contribute to that kind of torture. I condemned myself to such ill-treatment, whether that would lay on mental instability or physical attributes of irrational and unjust thinking. There were days I kept revisiting vices I swore that I would immediately put an end on. There were days where I did not want to get out of bed and live a fulfilled and promised day, and days where I shut people out and keep on without consulting with anyone. It all sounds pretty sad at this point, right? However, there is only one thing I have learned up to this point. It entails the future ahead of me. Move forward from here on out.
I was a constant dweller living in past experiences and moments combined. But it wasn’t all those bad experiences that made me want to feel unalive. I reflected on both the good and evil, but my end-goal was to look back on the good one and outweigh those that caused the immense amount of irrational thinking.
Everything from the start of college to now has led me to where exactly I need to be. It gives me a sense of taking accountability when I should take the impetus of what went wrong than scapegoating people or life in general. From here, I can make peace with myself from the past that plagued me, thus supporting my growth and give the needed perspective of what needs to improve for better results in the making.
Moving forward also gives me a sense of purpose in life. I would always tend to create idealistic views in my headspace that sound like they would never happen, whether that’d be backpacking the countryside of Switzerland. I become a tattoo artist working directly in San Francisco and or working for Kaiser Permanente, helping those in need. Or anything that I see myself that brings me the pride & joy that I deserve. It gives me new goals to reach regardless of the changes time will take. I’m learning that I should be okay with all of that for me to start making new goals for myself regardless of time constraints.
Creating memories are indeed a pertinent part of moving forward as well. It gives me something to look forward to amid the chaos of our world to show that I must value the quality of a perfect moment. When I reflect on the memories, I always ask myself what I can do differently than the last time I was doing this? My only hope in life is to create more of those beautiful moments, even if it’s the simple things in life. Coffee shop talks with a new person or friend, family-style restaurant visits, new things to explore in the Bay Area, or pick up a new hobby! If I want to create a good life with myself and others, I must be able to look at it through humbling eyes.
The essential part of a person’s life is to self-reflect and govern the future choices they will make. The only thing I have other than words are my next actions and how they will form the course of my life. The process of valuing and appreciating my past and the reflections with it remain sustained yet cumbersome. By taking specific steps backward, but only to move forward as further as possible through Grace.